First, I want to preface by saying that our boat was/ is solid. Our decisions had nothing to do with the strength and integrity of our Prout, aka s/v Airabess.
Our 'plan' was to cruise the Bahamas and make our way via Puerto Rico to the Virgin Islands. That is what we have been working towards for the last seven years.
We crossed the gulf stream from Key Largo and checked in in Bimini. We got stuck in Bimini for almost three weeks, after making several attempts to get across the Bahamas Banks. This is not unheard of for cruisers. In fact it happens all the time. We were being impatient, but it was more than that.
We were realizing that the Prout was not the boat for our family. It was perfect for small day sails around the Keys, but once we got her out into deep water, it became clear that it wasn't working for us.
Hubs is 6 foot 3, Coco is four foot seven and growing like a weed, I'm only 5'2. But add all of us together, plus a dog.... we were getting super cramped. We were not handling the passages very well, nor the waiting to make passage.
That, and it just didn't feel right. Hubs and I were constantly second guessing ourselves. Did we read the weather patterns wrong, should we have taken the window early, did we take the wrong window. etc...?
There was also the feeling of complete vulnerability. You are at the mercy of the ocean and wind. If you make the wrong decisions it could end horribly, or you could make it back to port with a great story. The anxiety of miscalculations and over thinking and down right fear was getting to be too much.
I will admit that I don't know that I am made of the right kind of stuff to be a blue water cruiser. Not that we had planned on that anyway. But there is no way to get to the island hopping that is in the brochure unless you traverse the deep blue.
So, we had to make a choice. Did we keep heading southeast towards the USVI, or do we turn back. It took those three weeks in Bimini for Hubs and I to finally speak what the other was thinking.... we didn't want to do it anymore.
I was suffocating on the boat. The images of snorkeling off the back of Airabess in crystal clear water, laughing and playing on deserted beaches was not enough of a lure anymore.
I missed fresh food and having a door to my bedroom. I hated being at the mercy of the weather~ to go, to stop, to choose what's next... I was humbled and humiliated by the whole experience.
The joy that we had been working towards was still so very far away. I didn't want to wait and work for it anymore. Neither did Hubs. Coco, well, she wanted to keep going, but only because that is what we had been promising her for years and years (um, yeah, no guilt there).
Hubs and I wanted freedom. We thought that living on a boat and cruising would give us that. In reality, we felt tied down by the weather and sea sickness (Coco, Ms Willow, and occasionally me when it was necessary for me to go down below)
We headed back. We put Airabess up for sale and started looking at rvs because we realized we weren't throwing in the towel completely. We just needed to change our vehicle to freedom and adventure.
There was a ton of interest in the boat, as we had it priced to sell and it was sold within a week and a half of our return to Marathon. That meant it was crunch time to find a new 'home'. Fortunatly, we did find one quickly.
So, less than a month after we set sail, we are on the road. Admittedly the gas thing is a serious concern of mine. It is so completely not me or us. After getting our carbon footprint so low living aboard to then pull up to a gas station as frequently as this rv traveling warrants.... it's hard to swallow. The next adventure is going to counter that.
Already we are feeling a little more in control and a lot more adventure. We are going and doing and seeing. We are showing our girl the world. We are living a life extraordinary.
I hope that any readers that are out there still want to follow this family's journey to the elusive there even though we are traveling in a different way. We are still Airabess. We are still dreaming. #findingmywaylivingthisdream
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