Decisions, decisions

This last year has been so amazing.  But if you had told me a year ago that I wouldn't be living on our boat in a tropical local, well I would have been really offended.  I mean we worked so hard to get to that place.  We had spent years and years planning and making shit happen.  So, how could we NOT be 'there'.  
Well, 'there' is a funny concept.  For some people it's a very specific destination, be it financial, spatial or mental.  For me it's been about finding myself.  I am so fortunate that I get to go on the journey with my love, my partner and that we have been able to show our kid that changing your perspective really can take you places; financially, spatially and mentally.  

And while the journey is never really over, it's time for this crew to put the wanderlust on the breaks for a bit.  It's really hard to travel for extended period of time.  Even if you take your house with you.  Even if you had every intention of that destination tropical local LESS than a year ago.  Especially when you sell one travel home for another.  I mean we had plans.  We acted on them and well... Life just says, "Try this... see what happens."
What can I say?  There IS something to be said for a full size kitchen (we love to cook) and level floors with a roof (can I say Yoga!).  And doors.  Doors are really nice.  From sea to the road... doors.  Don't shut a door in your house for just one week and see how it changes you. 

We are currently hanging out on the Oregon coast.  We are enjoying our freedom, but we are also ready to plant ourselves and make some roots.  Our biggest decision is deciding where we want to grow, where we want to be.  Because we are really ready to just be in one place.

Well,  I'm pretty sure we've got it.  We have seen enough to know where we fit, and what fits for us.    And, though we put it out into the universe on a many different levels, it's not here.  We found viable employment (thank you so much for the pats on the back~you know who you are).  We imagined ourselves in so many different homes that were so perfect for us.  Just.  Just not here.  We so wanted it to be.  We sort of planned on it.  Well, damn.... plans. Lesson learned.  Again.

You can tell when you visit a place if it will work for you.  You can feel it.  We felt it in Morro Bay, unfortunately the amount of work to living life ratio didn't fit.  Just because we want to settle down doesn't mean we want to become slaves to the man. 
So, while we aren't really ready to tell the world, we have decided were we call will home.   

I will say this....  we are selling our house in St. Augustine.  So it's not there.  But it is somewhere we have loved for a very long time.

I'm not trying to be obtuse.  I am just being real... we could change our minds again.  We already did 3 times this week, even after telling part of our world.  

The Money Question

Someone (so many people) asked, "How can you guys afford to do what you are doing?"  

The answer I want to give is, "How can we not?" I mean this is LIFE.  I don't want to spend the time I have here on this planet slaving away and missing out.  I want to see things, do things, explore, find and create.   But I know that's not what he/she/soooo many people mean.  So I keep that to myself.  The real question (and the number one inquiry) always comes down to the money.  

Well, if you know us personally you know that we are absolutely not rolling in the dough.  I broke it down a little in the Crew page on the blog... but for those who want a little bit more this post is for you.  

We were just like so many other people out there 10ish years ago.  We had stuff.  New stuff, big stuff, little stuff... we had ALL THE STUFF.  
Then we had a baby.  And we realized that we didn't really need all the stuff, or the bills that go with that stuff.  What we wanted and needed was to give our girl (and ourselves) something MORE.  Something bigger and better and unique to us as a family. 
Unfortunately,  we had already dug ourselves a pretty impressive hole.  So, we dug our selves out.  Day by day.  Inch by inch.  Penny by penny.  

About 2 months after Coco was born we started plotting and scheming our way to a life afloat (She's 8 now).  We had pictures on the fridge of the places we would go.  We scoured the net for the right boat for when the time was right.  We worked.  We worked so much and never saw each other.  We stopped buying 'things' and started paying off the things we already had.  We cooked at home instead of going out to dinner.  We cancelled the cable.  We used the library.  We skipped the mall and learned to love the thrift store.  We politely declined the invite to the movie.  We invited people over for coffee instead of meeting them at the coffee shop.  We kept track of every single dime we spent.  EVERY SINGLE DIME.  

We still enjoyed the things that mattered to us.  Amazing food (thank goodness Hubs is a chef), walks on the beach everyday with Coco (pays to buy before the market takes off), and living in St. Augustine we never were lacking for entertainment.  We just learned how to find it.  We didn't go without the things we wanted.  We just took our time and made educated decisions when buying them (no more impulse buying).  

It wasn't easy.  It was so challenging and frustrating sometimes.   But I don't remember the $5  coffee I didn't get~ ever, or the new shirt I didn't buy.  I do feel grateful that our house is paid off and we saved enough that we~ CAN.JUST.GO.  And there is zero guilt.  

Are we living the high-life now?  No.  We still live on a super tight budget.  And yes going back to work is on the horizon.  Are we living?  Hell yes!  Every single day is open to what we want to do instead of what we have to do.  

I remember a few years back a customer (I was tending bar at the time) said that it was all great and good now to have my toes in the sand and live a bohemian life.  I bit my tongue because that's what you do, but if I could have really responded I would have said SCREW YOU!  Life is too short and magnificent to not have your toes in the sand or your head in the clouds.  And you can absolutely be responsible and respectable without sacrificing that.  It sucks that the norm is to put your head down and follow the crowd and that is what makes you normal. 

So the money thing.  It's money.  We need it to buy food and shelter.  So we sold our 'stuff' and saved the money we did make for years and years.  We live super simply with the big picture in mind every day.  After making some stupid decisions for years, we started making smart ones.  We caught up.  We managed and now we coast.  For a little longer.  
 

We Sold Our Boat

Part of me thinks we will change our minds. The other part of me knows.  

Hubs and and I are absolute about things. Big things. Huge decisions. 

Sometimes I think we make the huge life decisions on a whim and then run Head first all the way towards those decisions. 

Years and years worth of effort.

Then we change our minds. 

The thing is... We always decide together. 

We talk IT TO DEATH.  We rationalize every single senerio. We work. We plan. We hypothesize. We ratonlize. 

And we are at that point, place, time again. 

It's terrifying and at the same time a huge weight is lifted. 

We have a different direction. 

It feels so good. It feels right.  

But after years of this... This boatlife... This kind of promise, it's like the dream we were dreaming isn't valid. 

But it is. Because we have always been dreaming. We have been doing. We have been living a beautiful life of hope and future and love. 

We've just realized what freedom means for us.

And there is no point in prolonging a life that isn't ours. It's time to claim the life that is for us. 

That's one of the reasons we are moving on and heading back. 

So to all of the naysayers and... I told you so's... GUESS WHAT!? 

We are still living the dream. Still on our own terms. Still with hope and love and optimism. 

It's hard to swallow some of the bumps along the way. It doesn't matter though. 

What matters is what's right for our family in this place and in this time. 

Very long story short (the ways, hows and whys are for another post), we sold our boat. 

Yep.  You read that right. 

We bought an rv and are now taking this adventure on the road. 

Airabess is our family mantra. It was coined by our Coco. 

 It's our way of life.

Airabess isn't (wasn't) just our boats name~ it's us. It's our freedom, as a family, to want and to be who we are. 

With no regrets. 

Quick turn around, right.  Yeah... We don't do anything by halves. 

Ready to Live

We have almost emptied out our house.  What is still here either has a home to go too, or is up on the garage sale block next Saturday.  Hubs left this morning to take most of what we have kept to Airabess and do to a couple of pre-splash projects. 
SURREAL, to say the least.  
You talk about something for so long, you plan, you make the decisions to get to that goal... and then it's right in front of you .  It's kind of hard to wrap my brain around it.  

I have been having trouble sleeping.  I'm sure it has everything to do with the anxiety that comes with this change.  The whole family is a little on edge (even Ms Willow).  There have been quite a few what the hell are we doing's happening around here.  Not that we have any regrets.  It's just overwhelming, and a little sad too.  

I went to a friend's house to drop some things off yesterday and when I pulled out of their driveway it hit me that I wouldn't be going back for at least a year (if all goes as planned).  
I hugged my very best friend good-bye a couple of weeks ago (she lives in New York and we only get to see each other a few times a year) and I was balling the whole way home.  I don't see her often enough, but I always knew that I would get to see her smiling face every few months, but not this next year.  
We have no idea where we will end up.  We don't know if we will come back to our hometown, or set up shop somewhere else.  We might cash in and buy a bigger boat in a year.  We might find a new place to call home.  There are thoughts and pipe dreams of maybe here or there... but anything is possible.  It is the first time we have not had a solid 5 year plan.  The very first time since Hubs and I have been together, 14 years,  that we don't really know what direction we are headed in.  We have a loose sailing plan, which could change based on any number of things we can and can't control.  

Our planning and saving and dreaming have brought us here, to this moment, and I don't know what is going to happen next.  It is so awesome and so daunting at the same time. 

Regardless, the time is upon us.  It's time to start living.

I miss my Hubs...

So many obstacles, too many things in the path of our dream.  
Sometimes it seems like too much.  Sometimes we wonder why we are working so hard to get 'there'.  Today tonight, when my Hubs has worked 16 hours and comes home completely exhausted I question our motivation.  
Is it really worth it?  Not now for sure.  But, later, when later comes, will we be glad we missed out on life now~?  It kind of seems like a gamble sometimes.  It feels so far away right now~  on Friday night when we have been separated all week, when there is no time for family, for us.  
So, I'm holding on and betting on our (very close) dreams.  Crossing my fingers and toes that its not all in vain.  

I really have a love/hate for this time of year.  It's Spring and with it comes the hope of so much possibility.  But, it is also the harbinger of the dreaded  'busy season'~ it pays the bills and gets us 'closer' but  we are also denied the ever elusive 'time' we are fighting so desperately to get to.  

And then there is this....

 And I remember what we are working towards.  
That is what gets me through times like this. 

Today was a good day...

Hubs and his nephew getting stuff ready. 

 She was so very excited.  I think she is more ready for a big adventure than we are.... but right now they are all big to her.  If only she really knew what was in store. 

Good-bye marina....







                                Hello wide open(ish) spaces!






We looked at Coco's photos when we got home (I really need to load some) and the view from her lens was priceless. She wanted to take everything in... and did.

 Yep, that's hubs and yes, the steering wheel is behind him.  We did not design it that way.  The guy who owned the boat before us came up with that brilliant idea.  And we had so many of his brilliant ideas to fix~ this one hasn't been addressed yet.  It is going to be really fun when it's my turn at the helm, as I can't even see over the electronics box.  It will be pretty funny to watch though....

Me and the nephew.  We were really glad he was there with the extra hands (and eyes).  I am a complete novice, and a blind one at that.   Not to mention I was jacked up on nervous energy.  I know it wasn't that far.  And I know that people motor under a bridge everyday... but I/we never had.  Plus, there was the excitement of actually moving on the water.  I can't tell you how much I prefer to not be tied up.   I really didn't realize how much until we were.

The following pictures are pretty self-explanatory.   Some very kind (boat friends) took the photos from the bridge.  

We had to circle around for 30 minutes to wait on the next bridge opening... good practice for the captain who hadn't had much chance to actually captain the boat.

 And, although he doesn't look it... my Hubs is really stoked.  Today was a good day.  It is a day that we will remember as one of many firsts.  I have said it before, but it bears repeating... I wouldn't want to be on this adventure with any one else. 

Let's go.

 

Another step closer.  I think she was ready.

Tired of waiting

“If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin.”

—	Ivan Turgenev So, we are changing plans… a bit.  Not trying to get EVERYTHING done on the boat.  Just trying to get it in the water again.  Then, while we ARE on the water… we can work on finishing, while we are living :) Much better.

Touche', Shakespeare. Touche'.

We had to name our boat.  I had no idea how challenging it was going to be.  Naming it wasn't urgent, but it had to be done.  Sundsvalla just wasn't cutting it. 

We also needed to do the documentation paper work... which required a name. 
But we couldn't agree on anything.

Hubs didn't have any ideas.  He just liked saying 'no' to every suggestion I made.  I love words.  I live in them.  I breathe them.  I wanted her to have a name with meaning.  It needed to be sentimental and thoughtful. 

Coco wanted to call her Princess Sparkle Shine....

Eventually, we decided on Tempus.  It is the Latin word for time.  It seemed appropriate for our family, so desperate for moments together.  And, for a few months we called her that.

So we went about the laborious business of restoring Tempus. 

Months went by, and we still hadn't sent in the documentation paper work, and Tempus just didn't feel right.  It seemed too pretentious for our humble little cat.  Our very old, decrepit cat.  It was too big of name for us.  Oh, and Coco didn't like it.

But we had to fill in the blank...  It was time.

Once again we asked the little person in our family what she thought, because that's how we do things around here.
"Airabess," she answered with a great big smile on her face. 
"Airawhat?" I asked. 
Interject an enthusiastic Hubs, "Perfect, I love it!"

Really?!  Airabess.  What does that even mean?

 

 Juliet:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

 

No Haters on Board.

Here’s the thing about a dream.  Not many people get it, or buy into like you do.  Because it’s not their dream.  I understand that.  I do.  But don’t hate on my dream.   This is not a whim, or a phase.  It’s for real.