Finding Our Way

I am finding my way to teaching.  I am finding my way to writing. 

Hubs is making our house a home. Hubs is finding his way back to the water. 

Coco is Coco. Living a big, beautiful dream. I hope she remembers. I wonder what of this time, these last few years will resonate?  

We are making our space.  

We are so happy. And that is everything. 

#findingmywaylivingthisdream 

Tis the Season

I'm always pretty introspective  this time of year. It's the holiday season. Coco's birthday kicks it off.  Hubs and I remember  our first  date. My birthday falls a couple of days before the finale. We finish everything off with the new year. 

So between the regular festivities, there is the celebrations of us. Our family. 

That's what this blog has been about. Our family. 

It started out as my take on the boat life. But now it's just our life. Very cliche. But also very real. 

We aren't  living the boat life now. We are just living. We are finding our way. Struggling, surviving our choices, looking ahead to what is next, grateful for the opportunity that hard work has allowed us, and putting what we have out into the universe hoping that we get it right, that we get an experience worth remembering and holding on to. 

I put it all (well most) of it out there because that's who I am. I share. I learn from it.  I could keep it close and not put it out in cyberspace, but, for me, there is an accountability and responsibility to the reality of adventure I want to participate in. 

This world of blogs, and social media is connecting if we let it be. It's is also cruel. People can hide behind anonymity and be hurtful for spite or jealousy. They can project their insecurities. 

The trick is to not get lost in what other people say~ be it to your face or behind an anonymous screen name. 

So, this year, I'm going to look back on how I/we got here. How my family went from boat life to just life and how amazing that we have the choice to do that. I'm going to recognize the compromises we make to live a life that is full,  but challenging, and completely ours. 

From Sea to Land

Now that we are settling in to this RV thing, I suppose I should explain why the quick change. 

First, I want to preface by saying that our boat was/ is solid.  Our decisions had nothing to do with the strength and integrity of our Prout, aka s/v Airabess. 

Our 'plan' was to cruise the Bahamas and make our way via Puerto Rico to the Virgin Islands.  That is what we have been working towards for the last seven years.

We crossed the gulf stream from Key Largo and checked in in Bimini.  We got stuck in Bimini for almost three weeks, after making several attempts to get across the Bahamas Banks.  This is not unheard of for cruisers.  In fact it happens all the time.  We were being impatient, but it was more than that. 

We were realizing that the Prout was not the boat for our family.  It was perfect for small day sails around the Keys, but once we got her out into deep water, it became clear that it wasn't working for us. 

Hubs is 6 foot 3, Coco is four foot seven and growing like a weed, I'm only 5'2.  But add all of us together, plus a dog.... we were getting super cramped.  We were not handling the passages very well, nor the waiting to make passage. 

That, and it just didn't feel right.  Hubs and I were constantly second guessing ourselves.  Did we read the weather patterns wrong, should we have taken the window early, did we take the wrong window. etc...? 

There was also the feeling of complete vulnerability.  You are at the mercy of the ocean and wind.  If you make the wrong decisions it could end horribly, or you could make it back to port with a great story.  The anxiety of miscalculations and over thinking and down right fear was getting to be too much. 

I will admit that I don't know that I am made of the right kind of stuff to be a blue water cruiser.  Not that we had planned on that anyway.  But there is no way to get to the island hopping that is in the brochure unless you traverse the deep blue. 

So, we had to make a choice.  Did we keep heading southeast towards the USVI, or do we turn back.  It took those three weeks in Bimini for Hubs and I to finally speak what the other was thinking.... we didn't want to do it anymore. 

I was suffocating on the boat.  The images of snorkeling off the back of Airabess in crystal clear water, laughing and playing on deserted beaches was not enough of a lure anymore. 
I missed fresh food and having a door to my bedroom. I hated being at the mercy of the weather~ to go, to stop, to choose what's next... I was humbled and humiliated by the whole experience.  

The joy that we had been working towards was still so very far away.  I didn't want to wait and work for it anymore.  Neither did Hubs.  Coco, well, she wanted to keep going, but only because that is what we had been promising her for years and years (um, yeah, no guilt there).

Hubs and I wanted freedom.  We thought that living on a boat and cruising would give us that.  In reality, we felt tied down by the weather and sea sickness (Coco, Ms Willow, and occasionally me when it was necessary for me to go down below)

We headed back.  We put Airabess up for sale and started looking at rvs because we realized we weren't throwing in the towel completely.  We just needed to change our vehicle to freedom and adventure.

There was a ton of interest in the boat, as we had it priced to sell and it was sold within a week and a half of our return to Marathon.  That meant it was crunch time to find a new 'home'.  Fortunatly, we did find one quickly.

So, less than a month after we set sail, we are on the road.  Admittedly the gas thing is a serious concern of mine. It is so completely not me or us.  After getting our carbon footprint so low living aboard to then pull up to a gas station as frequently as this rv traveling warrants.... it's hard to swallow.  The next adventure is going  to counter that.

Already we are feeling a little more in control and a lot more adventure.  We are going and doing and seeing.  We are showing our girl the world.  We are living a life extraordinary.

I hope that any readers that are out there still want to follow this family's journey to the elusive there even though we are traveling in a different way.  We are still Airabess. We are still dreaming.   #findingmywaylivingthisdream     

On the Road

I'm still not ready to write down the why's of why we sold S/V Airabess. 

To say its personal would be an understatement. But I DO want to share. I think it's important. I know I want to. It's just that I'm not quite ready for that yet. I'm still processing. 

I am super excited about this next adventure though. 

 

Road trippen. 

It's funny. All those years ago, after we had bought the boat, we were already looking ahead at this next adventure.  The transition was easy. 

We had no idea that it would be so fast. (I think I might have whiplash). 

And tomorrow it begins. 

Crazy. 

Safety First

I am humbled. 

The ocean is vast. She is great.  She doesn't care when her depths are shallow, or when they are fathomless.  She just undulates and breathes her breath. You are not a factor. You are lucky if you can move about her surface without mishap, without fail. You honor and respect her majesty. You bow to her power. 

There are times when you and your vessel return to a safe port and respect her wishes. 

You listen and learn from her. 

I wonder sometimes how often we would pause if it was just Hubs and me. If we didn't have Coco.  

I think we would we be a lot more reckless. We would charge head first, holding hands, and press our way through... Anything. 

But, it's not just the 2 of us. We have extra special gargo. 

There is Coco. 

So, we are more cautious. Our anxiety and fear is exponential.   

That is why today we turned back. 

We could have forged ahead and consequences be damned. 

But... Coco... Sanity and self preservation. 

Our Coco.  She was just happy with the pool on the other end of our meltdown.  

*We were well on our way to crossing the Bahamas Banks. We turned around and headed back to Bimini. This, we are learning, is part of cruising. The weather window that was predicted was inaccurate. We were in a position to turn around.  So we did. Safety first. 

Yes, we are completely deflated. We had hoped to be on our way across the Banks. But also, YES, we are content to be at a safe marina... As it was our only other other option. 

Taking stock. Licking our wounds. Feeling grateful for honest, human responses.  

To being free and being real!*

Crossing the Gulf Stream

Rolling mountains of water. In the dark. The longest 45 minutes ever, waiting on the moon rise. Followed by the longest 10 hours pushing our way through from peak to valley to peak again. 

At the time it felt like it would never end. 

I've read so many things about night passages. But nothing really prepares you for that first time out at sea with only the stars (and possibly moon) to guide you. 

Mellow drama aside... We did it. We crossed the Gulf Stream.  It was just as intimidating as we expected, but people have been doing it for ages. 

The plan was to anchor off Angel Creek for the night and shove off around 4 in the morning. Hubs decided to call an audible. The wind was light. The sea relatively calm. So we went for it. 

I think the abruptness of the call, coupled with strong coffee and anxiety made it even more uncomfortable. 

But we are here. Currently tied up in Bimini, but leaving in the morning to cross the banks. A long stretch for the next few days. Then... Then we will be able to take it one island at a time. 

Yesterday, after knocking out some school work,  Coco and I walked around North Bimini while Hubs worked on a few things aboard Airabess.  

P.S.  So far, I'm not one of those authors who enjoys night passages. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the fact that I can't see at all to begin with. It's even more a problem under the cover of darkness. I may change my mind. You, and I will just have to wait and see. 

  

Riding this Wave

The north east wind is still blowing. So we are still moored up in Marathon. 

We are fully provisioned. The laundry is all done. Everything is pretty much stowed. 

Insert thumb twiddling. 

Yeah... So we are just hanging out. But not really doing anything other than homeschool and checking the wind forecast. 

There are 2 last minute things we need to do before we leave the U.S.A.  Unfortunately, we can't do them until we know for sure when we are setting out~ Ms Willow to the vet (there is a 48 hourish window allowed from departure to arrival in the Bahamas), and turning off our phone. 

Insert more thumb twiddling...

This is part of boat life.  We are going with it.  We are making the best of it. 

We would be playing at the beach here, but it's just a little to low on the thermometer. Instead, we have other distractions.  

I'm not complaining. I'm just so ready to start this adventure. It's been a long time coming. 

Zero-Car Family

I guess it's really official now. The last thing on land that was keeping us in one place is gone. We sold our car. 

The timing was perfect. I finished my last day at work on Saturday. We did a last heavy provisioning run on Sunday and Monday. We exchanged the keys for cash on Tuesday. 

Now we wait. 

Waiting~ a common theme for us, and cruisers alike.  It's different this time though. This time we are ready (as ready as we will ever be) to go. We have accumulated the necessary supplies, we have outfitted Airabess, we have sent in the proper paperwork (I.e. vet documents for Ms Willow, homeschool documentation, etc...). We are prepared. 

Now patiently doing what cruisers do... Watching the weather and looking for our window.  

Ms Willow she is just waiting. Coco... Staying on top of her studies. 

Boo

So strange.  These moments (months) of not quite continuity. Work.  Homeschool, Marina/harbor friends...etc... 

We are in this bubble of life that is and isn't limbo. As humans, we make connections. Boat life incorporates that... But there is a difference. We KNOW its temporary. But it's life, and we move forward. We forge bonds. We build lives and structure~ even with  intentional avoidance or nonchlance. Even when we try to step outside THAT kind of conformity, we connect. 

And when we do its wonderful. 

The kids of the harbor had a pumpkin carving party courtesy of the Marathon City Marina. 

It's a reminder of this life and its beautiful connection.